Reflections on going back to work

This was my first week back to work after being on mat leave since February. Instead of going back to the same job, I am starting a new job with a new employer. It was only 3 days, but it was a tough week.

The first day, my feet were killing me. It made me wonder if I had worn shoes at all while I was off work. By the end of the day, I had to have my shoes off and under my desk. My feet adjusted quickly and by the end of the week, my feet were back to normal. Still, I will have to book the appointment for the birthday pedicure Phil bought for me.

The change in routine was tough. Normally mornings with the boys was a relaxed affair and it was about a 90 min turn around time from the boys waking to leaving for childcare. On work days, it is now a 40 min turn around - no more playing trains, no more reading together, just a quick breakfast and gone.

The evenings have been tough as well. Phil has been getting home late this week, so I get home with the boys just before 5, and then it is the trick of making supper for the 3 of us while heating Alex's food and trying to feed him. Then it is bathing and a final nurse for Alex, followed by bathing and bed for Adam. Once they are down, then it is cleaning up from their day at childcare, cleaning up from supper, packing packs for the next day and doing any prep for the next day's supper that is possible.

It struck me that while so much as changed for women, Gloris S was right that the movement has not been successful yet. Instead of being equal in our responsibilities, most women are doing it all - working outside the home and then doing all (or most of) the child raising and housework as well. That has been our week. I'm here to say that it needs to change! I'm not sure what the solution is because it is not like Phil is off drinking with the boys, he is working to a schedule that is out of his control. But I do know I won't be able to (nor do i want to) keep this up. I also know the solution is not for me to quit working.

I have not even addressed the issue of pumping while at work since I would like to have Alex still having breast milk up to about 9 months. Between trying to find a place other than a bathroom stall and trying to find a time that works for my work schedule and my body, it was a demoralizing week. My pumping does not result in enough milk to meet his needs, so I have started to supplement him with formula as well. Nothing against formula, it was always the plan after 9 months. I do wonder how long I will actually pump before I give up.

It is an interesting journey trying to reclaim part of me now with 2 children and Phil having a more time and physically demanding job compared to when Adam was born.

Rainy days and kids

Today is a rainy saturday in october. I know rainy days are supposed to be more depressing than uplifting, but an unexpected walk in the rain with 2 children has a way to brighten the day. Eagerly lifting up a face to the sky with an open mouth to catch the drops, the giggles of delight at the way the rain tickles, the snuggling closer into Mom to share with her your delight.

Then when we get to the mall, the excitement continues. Riding the moving stairs and walking over the bridges. Seeing the toys in the store but never finding the elusive table where the trains can be played. Carrying a package for Mom. When a fun song comes over the loud speaker, dancing and laughing with delight.

Being out with the children makes me realize how much we self censor our enjoyment of the little things all around us as we get older, more jaded, more wordly. I realize now how short the time of wonder is and I hope that neither of my boys are cheated out of a second of knowing the wonder of the world around them.