Emotional eating

For the first time in my life, I find myself being an emotional eater. It is a crazy war with myself that is raging on. On one hand, I want to eat well and have a house full of fruits and veggies at my disposal. Eating well makes me feel better, both physically and emotionally. It also helps me to combat my genetics of heart disease that usually appears during the 50's. On the other hand, there is the dark force that yesterday resulted in eating a tim hortons chocolate chip muffin, 3 chocolate bars, 2 ice cream bars and a bowl of sorbet. The sugar amplified my negative feelings, gave me a head ache and took all my energy. But what is driving the dark force within me? There are a number of contributing factors that have been part of my life for so long. I wonder if they have reached the tipping point to overwhelm my normally optimistic self. Those are things like not enjoying the eternal state of renovations we seem to be in, the crushing weight of the crap in our house, the endless list of tasks not getting finished, the continual struggle to find balance between motherhood, marriage, daughterhood, work and me-time. Or is it something new? Could it be Menopause playing havoc with my body and mind? Could it be the realization that I have become one of those "do-it-all" women who work full time, do the majority of the house/yard work and do the majority of the child raising? Could it be the intense loneliness I feel both at work and at home? What I know, intellectually, is that if I could just break through the dark force and make more good food choices than bad choices and get my daily exercise in, my mood would improve. I am turning to this blog to try and sort out and understand the dark force, so it may not be enjoyable reading for a while, but it is what it is. Yesterday I was thankful for going for a walk in the morning, my youngest wanting me to go with him on a post supper bike ride and finding the energy to make tomatoe sauce in anticipation of pasta for supper tonight.