11 min post

ok, it is 5:49 and I have 11 mins to post before I need to start getting stuff ready for the day. Today I choose to write in my blog rather than on the Mommy board, mostly cause I'm all over the place mentally and some of it is black, or blue really.

Yesterday I missed my run because what should have been a 10 min haircut for Adam turned into battle royal and lasted 45 mins of him screaming and crying. Sigh, Phil was getting mad, Adam was distraught and I was, well, confused at best. We finally got it done, sort of, it really is the worst haircut ever. I hope he does not get teased at childcare today. But that was my run time gone because Alex woke up early from his morning nap. Missing my run made me want to cry, in fact, there was more than once I had tears in my eyes through the day. It took all my mental energy to be even tempered.

On the work front, I spoke to my brother for some advice. He asked one question that allowed me to make up my mind - who is the financial safety net right now in our house? Well that is me for the next little while. When Phil goes back to school this fall for more training, then he will get EI and we can't live on just one EI. Well, we could, but I don't want to if we have a choice. So I am going to ask for a Leave of Absence, pay the 4 months of benefits so we have dental and health care and then see what is what in 4 months. He also made a good point about having a lower stress job while my kids are younger rather than a "high power" job. He has 4 kids and we have a similar outlook. He told me of his regrets and from him, that was powerful.

ack 2 mins left. Tomorrow Alex is 1. When I think about how quick my labour was (1st contraction just after 5:30 PM, Alex born at 8:20 PM) and how I did it with out any drugs, I am amazed. One year later, i am also thankful that we have 2 wonderful little boys who laugh more than cry. I love how Alex has helped Adam be more confident to explore and be a child. I love how Adam looks out for Alex. I love.